"Hello's Pewdie. How are you?"
"You're in this game too? Damn, you're everywhere in Amnesia."
Usual friends making a usual greeting. Well, maybe it would be usual, if a grown man wasn't playing Amnesia, screaming like a girl while doing so, and talking to a 'non-animated' gold statue... Not to mention it's in the middle of a dungeon with plenty of dead bodies and spliced monsters walking around, calling for his blood.
That's PewDiePie for you.
Don't get me wrong. I, Stephano, golden edition, am very much real. People just don't see me move. Felix (Pewdie) often talks over me, and even imitates my voice, so it's no wonder others think he's crazy when he's talking to me. (Well, to others, apparently no one.)
"Stephano, I've been looking all over for you." He picks me up and grins at me. He starts to mimic my voice. "Of course, Pewdie. You can't do this alone! You need me, STEPHANO."
"Pewdie, you idiot, stop it. Jesus Christ."
Behind us, something moans. I twitch (or twitch as much as a non-moving figure can.) and Pewdie gasps, whipping around. "What was that?" he asks in his original voice. "Who's there?"
When no other noise reaches our ears, Pewdie slowly eases around the room, checking the closets and drawers.
"Haha!" he laughs after a few seconds. "A lantern! And some oil. Good, good." the blond fills up the lantern as much as he can with the oil. "Now I want some laudanum. Stephano, do you know if there's any laudanum around?"
He picks me back up, about to mimic me again, when I beat him to it. "No Pewdie, I do not. Try the room across from here." I wonder why my voice echoed, then realize both of us were talking, even though I thought he stopped.
...Wait, how do I know there's a room across from here? This is a new Amnesia area and I haven't been out of this room since the game was activated ten minutes ago. I've even been staring in Pewdie's direction since he found me... Ah, what does it matter?
Pewdie looks up and frowns. "...I don't want to. It looks like a Nope Door."
A 'Nope Door' is what Felix refers to when a door opens or closes by itself, or even moves back and forth by itself. If there are large amounts of blood, it could be considered a Nope Door too.
"Quit being a wuss!" I growl. "Just go in there. You know you have to sooner or later."
"Grrr. Fiiine." he huffs.
Pewdie lights up his lantern and walks cautiously across the hall. Once he's at the junction of the room and hall, he holds the lantern and me at arms length. He leans forward.
"Stephano, do you see anything in there?"
I glance around. The darkness is so thick the lantern's light doesn't penetrate it much. Deeming it safe, I say, "It's safe Pewdie, you can go."
Trusting my word, he rushes in... only to see the back of a Bro. He (Pewdie) lets out a whiny but throaty scream. We tuck behind behind a few chairs and table just as the Bro turns around. Turning his lantern off, PewDiePie purses his lips. The Bro looks around and slowly makes his way towards us.
"Nope. Nope. Nopenopenopenope." Felix starts to chant quietly as we move around the table away from the Bro.
"Stephano! You lied to meee!"
"I didn't see him there, really! Look, there's another door over there. Let's make a break for it."
Taking a quick glance back at the Bro, we dash for the door. As soon as we move, the Bro lets out it's siren-like scream, running after us.
Pewdie lets out a weird throaty whine as we run. He chants "fuckfuckfuck" over and over as he swings the door shut behind us. The Bro starts to punch and rip at the door.
"GO. AWAY." Felix yells in my voice.
Sure enough, the Bro stops right before the door is ripped off it's hinges. The naked monster stands there for a second, as if waiting for us to start moving around, then walks away. The blond sighs.
"Haha! That's right." I laugh. "Y-you better leave!"
I was a little scared truthfully. But I'm Stephano, I can't be scared. I mean... I'M ME. I hate those creatures. So naked, loud and creepy, and... naked. They're almost as bad as Piggeh...
But no one, can be as creepy as Piggeh.
I shudder (again, as much as an inanimate statue can) as we edge out of the room.
"Is he still here? I think he's still here." Pewdie says quietly.
"If he is, you can just get mauled by him, then come back to life. He won't be there anymore. Problem solved." I reply.
"... Aw, that isn't nice Stephano. I know this is just a game, but I still don't wanna- MR. CHAIR!"
Pewdie runs over to Mr. Chair, promptly throws me on a desk (from which I slide off of), and tries to pick up Mr. Chair.
A teleporting naked guy suddenly appears in the chair. Pewdie gasps and jerks away only to fall over and the naked man disappears. I laugh at him mockingly from my place on the floor. The blond lays there a minute, groaning. His face scrunches up.
"Nope... nope... Freaking nope everywhere..."
He sits up and shakes Mr. Chair. "I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BRO, MR. CHAIR. Why would you do thaaaat?"
"Haha, did I scare you Pewdie? Funny, wasn't it?" say both the chair and man.
"Whatever Mr. Chair. Screw you." Felix flings him across the room. "Stephano? Stephanooo- oh, there you are." he picks me up.
"Pewdie, you idiot," I start. "Don't just throw me around."
After a few minutes of milling around the dim castle, we find a grey-looking humanoid creature hanging from the ceiling with a record player horn jutting out of it's mouth. A slow wheezing sound comes out of the horn.
"Bro, that doesn't look comfortable."
"You're telling me," I sniff.
Pewdie winces, "That's kinda weird. Who'd stick a horn down his... or it's... throat?"
While eyeing the possibly half-dead creature wearily, we advance to the next section of the castle. Or, at least, try to. It's locked.
"We need a key?" Pewdie asks, "I don't remember seeing a key anywhere..."
We turn around and let out a shocked yell. The humanoid isn't hanging from the ceiling anymore. He's gone, now with a key in a puddle of blood on the ground under where he use to be.
"WHERE DID HE GO?" I shout.
Pewdie doesn't answer. He sets me down gently on the ground and eases towards the key. I know he's expecting something to happen. I do too, I can feel the non-existent hairs on the back of my neck stand up. He picks up the key and whips around.
"HA! Nothing hap- AAAAAAH!" Pewdie screeches.
A siren scream sounds and a Bro rushes by me, seemingly out of nowhere, towards the blond. PewDiePie hauls ass down the corridor, still screaming. They turn a corner and I hear a door slam, followed by wood breaking and splintering. Then I recognize the sound of the door giving way and then there's a yelp of pain- from Felix.
The siren-like noise stops abruptly after a few seconds, the man comes up the corridor towards me. He's shaken and breathing hard in a high pitched way. Then I realize his shirt is shredded in the front, semi-deep bloody gashes on his chest and torso.
"Poofer." is all he says.
"Damn poofers." I reply with Pewdie mimicking me.
Poofers are, as said, poofers. Some will run after you, then poof away. Others will catch up to you before they disappear. The one like Pewdie just got is the worst- they only poof away after they've hit you.
He drags himself to the door and enters the key. "Gotta leave you here Stephano. Let's see if I can leave before you hit the ground."
He pitches me up in the air with a 'HERP' (despite his injuries) and rushes through the door and shuts it loudly before I land.
Aaah, I'm dizzy. I somehow blacked out and when I woke up, ended up in the next part of the castle along with Felix. How do I know? ...I just do. So there. Well, his loud voice might be a slight hint.
And why does it stink in here? It smells like dead...
Immediately after my realization, his voice starts in, "H-E-EEEY Stephano! How ya doin' buddy? I'M SO PUMPED."
Just kill me now.
I glance out of the corner of my eye, seeing the gutted and dead pig stare back at me with, seemingly, lifeless eyes. But he's very much alive... and... active.
"Hey Piggeh..." I sigh.
"Where's Pewdie? I'm sure he'd like some of THIS."
I look back over at Piggeh, only to see he's moved himself onto his side with his head at an angle and one of his stubby limbs bended. He's grinning slightly. Worse of all, he isn't even twitching or blinking. Creepy. I'm sure he intended it to look sexy, but it just freaks me out.
After a few more seconds of torture from Piggeh's part, the door to this room unlocks, then clicks open. The blond rushes in and slams the door.
"Stephanooo," Pewdie starts, "why are you hanging out with Piggeh?"
He picks me up. "Thank god you're here. Piggeh was seriously freaking' me out."
The dead animal acts as if he didn't here me and starts talking to Pewdie, "PEWDIE. I'm pumped! FIST PUMP! Yeah, yeah!" Piggeh gets off the table and slides around the room... "You thought I was a pig? You did? NO! I'm a sssnake!"
Felix stops Piggeh from moving and puts him on the bed. "I didn't say anything about that, but okay." he chuckles.
"Oooh, Pewdie. I didn't know you were like that. You want some of this~? You want to do it on the bed?" he tries asking this in a seductive tone, trying to move into a 'sexy' pose.
The man automatically drops him, "Don't get weird on me, Piggeh."
"He was weird to begin with...." I mumble.
"Come on Stephano. Let's go." he picks me up and hurries from the room.
We mill around for a few more minutes. The rooms atmosphere gets slightly more disturbing with each minute. PewDiePie opens another door, this room almost pitch black and more disturbing then the other rooms.
We venture in a little more when I'm suddenly knocked from Pewdie's hands and he shouts in alarm. I fly into the darkness as Pewdie yells after me, then starts screaming again. I don't hear any of the siren-like screaming, so it must be the teleporting naked guys.
I finally land onto a pile of huge rocks. Felix is still panicking, swearing in Swedish and saying random nonsense in general. I lie there for several moments, waiting for Pewdie to stop freaking out. The sound of my impact still rings throughout the gigantic room when Pewdie runs over to me.
"Stephano... You, and Jennifer?" He points between the two of us.
"What?" I ask. I try to move my gaze around, to indeed find myself lying next to Jennifer, the (huge ass) rock. "No no no. This isn't what it looks like! Jesus Christ Pewdie."
"Whatever Stephano." he smirks with a weird face and bends down to pick me up.
Some unseen force scoots me around his hand so he doesn't touch me. Felix freezes up, but reaches towards me a second time. Again I'm pushed away, this time to where I'm fifteen feet away from him. I think about laughing at the bewildered look on his face, but booming, raspy voices interrupt.
"QUIT WASTING YOUR LANTERN PEWDIE."
"SPIN THE WHEEL PEWDIE."
"IT'S SO FREAKIN' OBVIOUS PEWDIE."
Everything is quiet for a moment... Then we both start laughing.
"QUIT WASTING YOUR-" Pewdie stops imitating the voice, and starts laughing again.
I stop laughing when I'm lifted up into the air- and not by Pewdie.
"Oh man," he says. "That was great Stepa-"
PewDiePie slumps to the ground. A slight red warmth sprouts from his temple.
"Holy crap!" I gasp. Did I just kill him?
Whatever invisible force that made me bash him in the head brings me down on his skull again. Over and over. More red bursts through his skin. WHY CAN'T I STOP?
The screen blackens out, the credits starting to roll across the monitor. A blond man sits back and stares at it suspiciously. He stares at it longer and longer as the ending music starts.
"REALLY?" Pewdie yells, "DID THEY REALLY HAVE IT END THAT WAY?"
He smooths his hair back. Letting out a laugh, he says, "I can't believe that they had Stephano kill me... I wasn't expecting that. At all." Felix sits back and spins in his chair. "That was a good mod, just... that ending..." he chuckles again. "Why would you do that Stephanoooo?"
"Anyway," he looks up to his webcam, "Hope you bros enjoyed, and I will see you tomorrow. Byyy~e."